laurelpants

I'm just exhausted.

I think once I do get a job, and move out on my own, I'll become a shopaholic, go broke, and come living back home. But if I become a Radiologist, I might not have that problem. As far as career-wise, I'm kinda settled down on a plan: two years here, then to a big, nice university; graduated. Go to some other college - either here, Miami so I could live with Vicky and her sister in their apartment, or out of state - and either go for medical school or a Master's in Psychology so I can be a Psychiatrist. I dunno if I want to be a Radiologist because it makes a lot of money or because I'd like to go through the challenges of med school and graduate being able to legally say I'm a doctor. And because it'd be nice to help people. I think my "dropping out and moving to Europe" phrase is over, so now I can focus on my studies? Hah, that still sounds funny.

Just like I thought I might, packing things up and all.
It's pretty much all in bags, I guess. I mean, the straightener is still out, so is the PS2, and other small things. The big hefty bags are downstairs, by the front door. Woooop!~!**

School was tight, yo. There was a late start today, and will be tomorrow too. I basically sat around, trying to fix my headphones and sleep for an hour. I pissed Carina off and she walked away from me to hang out with Rachel, who she was also spending time with after school. I was so jealous. Jealous that more than like.. two people give a rats ass that she's leaving. I am so much better than Carina. This is probably the attitude that's hindering me from making friends. Oh well.
The English and chemistry exams were s0o0o0 easy! I also turned in my books today, and emptied out my locker. I'm free as a bird, tomorrow at 11:25. I'll probably float down the hallways onto my bus, and just cry. I'm so excited.

On Sunday I went to Kitaro's with Carina. Our server's name was um.. Charles or something, and Carina kept saying how pretty his eyes were. I really liked my Hibachi Vegetables. Our chef wasn't a showoff, and I liked that. I just kind of followed Carina and the Sanchez's around after that because I didn't want to go back to the house. When I got home, I ate some of my leftovers, and then we headed out to see Avatar. Seeing Avatar counted as my allowance, and at first I wasn't down with that, but the ticket ended up costing $11, and in reality I only paid $5 to see it. What a sexy movie. And I mean that in the most serious way. Not really erotic, but just like.. the effects were so good. It was like Dances With Wolves, but holy fuck everything about that movie was sexy. The Navi ESPECIALLY, Pandora, and even the paraplegic. FUckckckchekckckeheheckkakHk y34h. I also really liked the noises the Navi made. MmmMMMMmMMm#124$@(#*&@MamammamamMmmMmMmmm


Luanne asked for her sweaters back, and the backpack she bought me. I'm stealing a camera of theirs, and now I'm thinking about taking that hat... But I'm going to ask if I can keep a cardigan she gave to me. Gave to me. Gave. Me.

And day, too.


I feel as if I did pretty well on my exams yesterday. I did however get an 86 on my novel exam, fuckahahme. I don't even know how to say 'omniscient'. After out finals in novel, Joe Slavich hooked up his flashdrive to the computer and started to play Mario Cart 64, h0lL4 b@(k y0~
We had a party in English, which wasn't really much of a party... Sara Zimmerling brought in milk for her brownies, and someone brought in Oreos -that was a huge fucking hit, and totally my idea, really. I told Michelle that milk had to be in the classroom if Oreos were. I was right. What I liked most about the little party was that I could just eat all of that shit and not have to eat lunch, or worry about not eating lunch because I don't have any money... Then Sara gave me the rest of the milk.
I don't believe Cathy works at McDonalds. That's such bullshit. I know this because nobody in their right mind would have Cathy working the register.
Lunch was funny, because I had the milk.
In chemistry we watched Planet Earth. Whenever I watch Planet Earth it reminds me of this

And I love it!~**
When I was walkin out of the school, I forgot to pick up my portfolio from art, damn. I realized this on the bus. Before I got on the bus, TJ scared the shit out of me by walking next to me, without me seeing him, and then abruptly, or so I thought, saying hi to me. We talked about food for about a minute, and he gave me his Lays. I was hesitant about taking them at first, but I thought What the hell. Plus, I love those chips. I had the chance to tell him I'm moving, but I figured he already knew, but I still wish I would have.

Harry's party was last night. Moss came here three hours early becuse he's a dickfuck.
At first Carina and I were just sitting on the cooler, staring at everyone. Then we went up to answer the door. Then we ate. Gus got mad because he wasn't allowed downstairs. Luanne and Marni left, AND THEN WE STARTED HAVING A LOT OF FUCKING FUN.
It wasn't really that cold outside, so we went out to smoo0o0oke. I was outside in shorts, as it was snowing, and I wasn't cold. I changed my outfit like.. four times though. Everyone went outside to play hockey with Gus, and I thought it was really funny. I went inside to put my tights on and when I came out the kids were having a snowball fight with our next door neighbors, not Kirsten and Kyle, but the kids to our left. Harry threw a snowball right at their car. Nick was like, "GUYS, BACK UP! BACK UP! WATCH OUT, GUYS!" I have no idea where Lax was. Nick and Lax were my favorite. Lax is actually Alex, but Nick told me to call him Lax L-A-X, so I did. Those two were so funny. Nick knew how to play Gin, and so we played Gin together. I asked him if he wanted to play Spades, but Carina was like NOOO, DON'T DO IT, and he thought it was a dirty game, like Strip Poker. Some other kid, Calen, wanted to play Texas Hold 'Em, but I don't like Poker. FUck that kid Calen, he was a faggot lookin kid. He had a black fedora, was wearing a Beatles shirt, and also a red and black striped tie. I was nice to him though, because nobody else was really paying attention. Nick kept calling Moss names, and talking to me and Carina. Lax was rolling around singing hilarious songs and crackin jokes I've never heard before. After a while a bunch of the kids wanted to go outside to go for a walk and Carina and I stayed in the basement. I went over to the couch, and then Lax was like I'M STAYIN IN HERE WITH YOU GUYS! And soon after, Nick was in the basement like, YEAH! And then we were all going to play Gin again but Carina didn't remember how to play, and Lax thought Gin was some other game, and saying weird shit. Nick got frustrated when Calen and other kids came downstairs.
We really wanted them to stay the night, but Tim wouldn't allow that.
Then we just went outside and started sledding. Me, Harry, Gus, Nick, and Lax. Carina didn't want to sled anymore because she fell the first time. Lax was sliding down the hill with my camera, taking pictures. He was so cute. Nick kept hugging me. Gus was really excited. I kept cursing. Carina took out her lighter and Nick was like, "DO YOU SMOKE!?!" -nOo0o0o "You know, that stuff will kill you." And then I tell him that a lot of things will kill you. He shouted at us about smoking ..like right in front of Gus. I hope he didn't hear...

I was outside for most of the night in just shorts, my sun shirt, and my black jacket. Then I had to change because I kept slipping down the hill, because my moccasins don't have grip. I had so many scratches on my legs from falling down the hill. We kept going inside to ask if Nick and Lax could sleep over, but Tim kept saying no. Lax actually has a brother who goes to FHHS, and I know him. Or well.. I've seen him around school. He reminded me a lot of someone I've seen before. He just had long hair, I mean.. really fucking long hair, and wears the skater shit. I want to tell him that his little brother is the shit.

has recently been giving me tooth ache's.
YESTERDAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR TWO WEEKS, AHHHHHAHAAH
We had a party in first block, no surprise there. We watched the Grinch and I had chips and salsa, donuts, lemonade, fruit and some cookies. In second block Jessie and I had to retake a test that we both missed Thursday; I pretty much bullshited it because I feel like Mr.Ayers hasn't been teaching the chapters very well lately. That, and they're just boring. He put in the Eleventh Hour which I've seen countless times, so I went to sleep and he didn't wake me up. Then he showed our class a slideshow about how lucky we are. Thanks!
In third block I read Cosmopolitan outloud and it was hilarious, ohhh man.
At lunch, Jessie presented me my Christmas present, which was lingerie. She made me put it on over my clothes, but not fully so it was okay. Autum wants to borrow it, and I might let her. Mike doesn't want me to though.
In fourth block we had another little party and a pop quiz on the Grinch movie, which I ChaCha'd every answer for. I have 10 extra credit points for my exam now(;
I went home with Taylor and Adam. We dropped off some girl who lived out in the middle of nowhere in Palm City. Then we went to WalMart where I only purchased Mike's present because I felt rushed. I really still need to find someone to buy Laurel's Black's, and I need to buy Jessie some risque shit. Taylor then dropped me off, and I packed up for Mike's.
At Mike's we ate dinner and then I mentioned how we were supposed to have a movie night and he jumped up, asking me if I'd like to drive to Blockbuster. His mom let me DRIVE HER CAR and we went to Walmart to buy her some Christmas things she needed, like celophane and curling ribbon. Then, we went to Stuart beach, then to Barnes and Noble, Sonic, Target, and back to Mike's. At Target we saw Bri and Summer which was really uncomfortable for me, and we were with Trevor and Hunter. They thought Hunter was Ross which I found humorous. I really liked driving everywhere, I'm such an excellent driver, and his mom's car is really nice. My mom is supposed to be purchasing my insurance today which means me an' Laurel will just be able to go everywhere! mmmm gurL~

so bad, it hurts.

I don't like knowing that I have work in less then an hour. I hate having a job. Actually, that's not entirely true. I love having a job. I just hate working. I'd like to work somewhere with people that speak english so at least I can hold a conversation with someone.
I can't wait for Laurel to come home, ohhh man. Why isn't she here now? Todays the first day of our break. She should be here by tomorrow, at latest. How cool would it be if she showed up at my front door right now. OH MAN, the thought of that makes me need to pee even more. Some girl in my Latin class was wearing a head band with a wire that bent in front of her like a pikmin with a broken flower except the with a mistletoe. I really liked it. If I was her, i'd put if over people all the time and make them feel really awkward.
I had 3 tests today. i'm pretty sure I did poorly on all of them. Such a bummer:/

My head hurts, my stomach hurts, my eyes hurt, my heart hurts. Being sick makes me an emotional wreck and I can't sleep, I need to sleep, please let me miss tomorrow.

expecting my Netflix movies today. Huh, bummer.
Carina's having her party on Friday. I can't go...
Harry's also having his party on Friday. I don't want to just sit down in the basement with them...

I need to make plans for Friday.
Maybe I can get Tim and Luanne to give me my babysitting money early, so I can go to the mall with Michelle, then go back to her place and watch my Netflix movies.
Or I could make as many friends as possible and have them throw me a party in two days.



I'm going to start smiling at people more often.


ALSO:

Yesterday Jerel masturbated on the bus and came in the open slit of seat in front of him, because they all tear those seats up. Carina told me about it this morning, and I couldn't stop laughing/thinking about it all day. I didn't really see him though, so that was a plus. But holy fuck, I wish I could do that kind of stuff. Damn.

Review, all day.
Mrs. Salant talked to me about moving, she made an announcement to the class, nobody cared.
Mrs. Clark also said something about it. Sophia, my lab partner, was really jealous of me. "Oh my God, you suck!" Yeah...

I rode Carina's bus today because my iPod was dead, and I didn't want to sit on the bus, especially if Murphy decided to ride it today. So I got out of bus 14, and walked over to bus 100 -wannabe 3. Carina was surprised to see me. I sat on da outside. Then Kevin, Jerel, and Aidan got on the bus. Aidan waved at us this morning, because we 'ride his bus' and I was like, "No man, I don't. Only sometimes." I kind of set myself up for him calling me a liar. I just stared at Jerel. Kevin was dancing to the 80's music, and it was hilarious. They all started singing, and I just couldn't stop smilin'. My bus was behind us, I saw it.
Kevin missed his stop for a song. Jerel got off at his appropriate stop because of a song. I told him to make me a cake, and he said he would. That'd be really nice if I had a cake. I want some cake so bad. I wanted cake last weekend.
Kevin and I rode the bus together for another like.. really long five minutes. I can't seem to talk to people about interesting things. Asking him about his day would have been really easy, Laurel. Moron.

I got home and then Carina called me. I had to change into something warmer in order to go outside. I did, but not really. WHAT I WORE WAS PERFECTLY FINE, THANKS LUANNE FOR YOUR INPUT. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhttt~!^*&#**

She later ditched me because it was too cold and there wasn't going to be anything given to her in return. Greedy bitch. Greedy fat bitch. Stupid bitch. Jerel said our friendship was very disfunctional, and that we were both probably glad to not only be leaving the state, but each other. I like that he's so observant. We really can't stand each other.

I got the caramel hard candies that Jessie likes. It reminds me of da good times.

I'm glad I went to school. I think the fact that I woke up without the help of my alarm clock, and, instead, by the rain, was a sign. Anyway, first block was exciting. I finished the summation quiz easily and went to pick my classes. My guidance counselor remembered me and she was impressed by my three "plans:" Pre-Med, Journalism, and Psychology. I think she even felt bad that I can't switch out of Spanish III to take Journalism II, but I talked to Mr. Haskett and he said I can be on staff without having to be in his class, ohyeah~ After that, we went back to first block, where we learned more about Othello. Note to self: look up Hamlet vs. Othello essays.

In second block, Tess and Katelyn weren't there, but after I did a majority of the practice test, I went to French class to talk to Madame Ralicki and, to enhance my learning, I sat in the back taking notes. I learned the Imparfait tense, which is just like the Imperfect Tense in Spanish! They learn much better in French because in Spanish, it took us forever. The bad news is I have no verbs to conjugate with the Imparfait tense. In Chemistry, I tried to pay attention, but nothing went through. In Kelley, Wilma and I spent the entire time laughing. Lunch was so-so. The cupcakes were disgusting.

In Levelle, I was really racist, but I hid it so well. At least I think so. In Spanish, everybody was screaming, all about Mrs. Wetzl. If she hates kids so much, why does she teach? Probably because you can't do anything else with an Art degree. She made one comment and my whole class called her prejudice and shit. I think she's agnostic. But we, as students, aren't supposed to know her religious beliefs; Kyle reminded us, annoyingly. I have all A's besides Chemistry, which I need a 77 to keep a B in. I have to do well. I must do well.

FML. I need to get a 99 or 100 to pass Chemistry at the end of the year with an A. Goodbye 3.69 GPA and 48th class rank.

Besides the number 42. Something real; something not scientific or mathematical. (I've had enough math for my entire life. And it's only Monday. FML.) I get mad when people ask me why I want to drop out of high school. In my opinion, it's more like, Why not? So, what? I go through two more years of hell, then repeat the same schedule, just adding a job and other responsibilities on top of it? And as soon as I get my Bachelor's in whatever I choose, go off to a job, where I either decide to barely live paycheck-to-paycheck alone in a shack or go back to school. I don't want to end up like all these smucks around here.

Rant over. Tomorrow we're picking our courses for IB. I've picked English, Biology, and History at HL (Higher level; it means the exam is harder) and Photography, Math, and Spanish at SL (Standard level; it means senior year, I'll have three electives). The good news is I'm not taking Chemistry, I'm going to be one of the few kids in Math SL, and I'm taking Photo. The bad news is I can't take French or take out History. If I tried, I'd just be screwing up the schedule for all IB kids.

Today was alright. I have all A's besides Chemistry and Applied Communications. Apparently, we're having a party third block, even though I doubt it's going to happen. I have so much to do, so little time.

I was feeling really Goddamn good about this weekend, and in a matter of minutes Luanne fucking ruined my mood.
I went home with Carina on her bus, Friday. The next time Jerel asks me about moving, I've decided that I'm going to tell him to throw me a party. I was fucking freezing on the bus, and so Kevin lent me his jacket. I want a jacket just like it, holy shit it was so warm and nice. The girl Carina really doesn't like was sitting with Jerel, so Kevin wasn't in his usual seat. Carina doesn't allow for me to talk to Jerel. I think that's bullshit. Murphy still doesn't even look in my general direction. What a fucking gooch.

At Carina's we just kind of sat around and eventually went to Dierburgs, and McDonalds. I spent $10 on tea, and McDonalds. What the fuck. Why doesn't Dierburgs have Hershey's Hugs? Morons.

Brandon and Mikaela were annoying, and Marcia was nosey. We went downstairs and watched the movies. I apparently woke Carina up at 11, and talked to Laura. Hearing Laura tell me about Miami didn't really bother me or make me upset, I just continued watching TV after that and felt like a badass because I was awake.

We woke up around 11 and I just had no idea what time it was all day. Neither Tim nor Luanne called me, asking me when I'd be home, and I didn't either. I didn't want to go home. We watched Adventureland, and I think the kid that played James Brennon was fucking Michael Cera's twin. I wouldn't really want Michael Cera making out with Kristen Stewart, fucking Twilight. She's really a terrible actress.

Tim finally called, and Carina ended up just coming home with me. Marcia was flipping a shit because Adventureland was lost, somehow, and she was blaming Carina for it. Every time I finish smoking a KOOL I have the worst headache, and so Carina gave me a 600mg something or other. I never want her to give me a "happy pill", just those nice 600mg tablets. Yeah.

At my house we ate, and uh... I don't really know. We just kind of sat around in my room and talked about the kinds of things Carina thinks are important. Her dad texted her, "...im having a hard time figuring out why your with us" That seriously bugged the shit out of me. She had to justify everything that Marcia was complaining about, and it was a big deal. She's moving back to California. We're quitters.

Today was okay. I didn't vacuum until I guess around 5:30, because we were watching TV all day.
It's Always Sunny, Nip/Tuck, and The O.C. -all day. It was stupendous.

We have Full Metal Alchemist recorded, and I think that's weird.

Luanne's such a bitch. I'm just so tired of complaining about her, but here goes:
She was away for Harry's birthday weekend. Yeah I wasn't here on his actual birthday, but I called him, and today I made him breakfast and shit. I let him do anything he wanted, and Luanne was just gone. On his birthday, he went to church and had dinner at Moe's. I felt so bad for him. She got home today around 8:30 and went to bed. She woke up around 1. Talked to Carina, cried about her situation, hugged Carina, and continued to do laundry. They put up the lights without even asking us if we wanted to join in. I'm not one for decorations, but them not asking just really ticks me off. I'm like my mom too much, I guess.
Carina wanted to stay over tonight, but they wouldn't allow that. No, no, no. She told her dad that they would allow it anyway. Marcia called me, but I first hung up on her because I thought it was Carina. I felt like a jackass when she called me back. I apologized profusely. She didn't give a fuck, and talked smack about Carina to me.. She and Luanne are perfect for each other, even if Luanne thinks she's a cold heartless bitch. Because that's what she is, deep down.
At dinner, I didn't excuse myself and she made a big deal about it. I ignored her and listened to her tell my brother to eat the rest of his pork from upstairs. I hate pork, and I don't know how many times I've told her I don't like it. If she wants to start treating us like her kids, maybe she should take into consideration our eating habits, rather than if our room's clean or if we're ready for the exams we'll soon be having.




Oh, and then there's Michael.

oh lala.
LAST NIGHT WAS SO MUCH FUCKING FUN AHHHHH
I was picked up from my house around 4:45 with Alicia, Jake and Mike. Mike greeted me into the backseat by jumping up and down eagerly, since we haven't seen each other in three days. We went to a gas station and Alicia and I were in the car alone, and I told her I didn't feel too well. She had Vicodin on her and gave me one, apparently if you take more than one you get a pretty great affect; it made my stomach pain go away though. Once out of the gas station, we were on the road to Miami. It was so great.We hit downtown Miami in about a manner of two hours. I love cities, the huge buildings, all of the people, definitely not the light pollution, but definitely everything else. All of us really had to pee and we eventually stumbled upon this shopping center, where we all relieved ourselves. We had a dinner double date at Hooters, which was just the cutest thing. I found a store called Made By God and I want it to be my fucking bedroom, it was so neat. Jake bought himself and Mike cigars because they're b0$$y. We split up from each other and Mike and I walked to a park which we couldn't get into, so we turned back and went and saw a music performance. He bought me roses and a bear, and they're sitting on my desk(:
Alicia and I had crepes and listened to this tatted up man telling his two daughters the ghetto story of Santa, it was hilarious. After we ate our crepes, we walked back to a place called the Wallflower Cafe. There was an art exhibition and live music, the girl singing was amazing, and she's played with Shakira before.
AND I'M ON MY PERIOD!

It's such a great weekend.

I drew right next to my bed is so adorable. I really like him, he was supposed to be a cat originally.
In psychology today, we had an open book quiz, and I'm pretty positive I got a 100% on it, which makes me very proud. My grades are so good this time around, I wish I had been more like this around freshman year. The prep that sits behind me was telling the teachers aid a story of how he father, the Doctor, gave her an ultrasound and couldn't see correctly because her bladder wasn't swollen. I wanted to laugh so badly, but I didn't.
Jessie and I walked to second block together like always. We started a new chapter, and we're mining for chocolate chips tomorrow, which means free food.
SPEAKING OF FREE FOOD, during third block after cleaning up, Chef allowed us to the salads and sandwiches left over. I had a ham, provolone and mustard sandwich with chips, two Coke's and one and a half of a cookie. It was all so good, it was such a good class period, my table was hilarious.
In lunch they were giving out free slices of pizza and it was disgusting.
Taylor left during fourth block and I wanted to sleep so bad, but I couldn't. Everyone in that class is a fucking moron and I practically had an anxiety attack during the last eight minutes, I wanted to get out of there so bad.
Adam and I went with Stephann, and we went to Walmart twice. Eventually we went back to Stephann's house and I attempted to play the guitar and we decided my hands were wayyyy too tiny to play it well. Brandon came to Stephann's house and then we went to Walmart for the second time to get Taylor a Get Well Soon, Carebear card. It was pretty funny.
We arrived at Taylor's, minus Stephann and Brandon had to leave an hour or so afterwards. We sat outside and talked and shit and then Taylor drove Adam and I home and sang P!ATD the whole way home.

I realized today, that Rachel and I have ..pretty much the same taste in ..a lotta things.
It's weird, I think.

Today was an alright day, tomorrow will be better. In first block, I still didn't get to present and I'm pissed. I'll probably go Monday. Curse for having a last name later in the alphabet! In second block, I tried to keep up in Algebra, but I've missed a day and I'm so confused. In Chemistry, we had a quiz and I think I semi-passed it. I'm somewhat anxious to know if Fitz thinks I'm a potential Chemistry taker. I wouldn't, no way Jose, but I don't think it's fair to pick on grades. IB is NOT about grades. Third block, Kelley was nice, but gregarious. She made compliments about everyone, which made me lose focus on my test(s). Anyway, besides all of that, I have an easy day tomorrow: first block is English, second block all the IB kids will be gathering to decide what courses to take. Now that I know IB is almost the equivalent to Hogwarts, I plan to continue. Just for laughs. I get to miss Chem and Math. Third blcok, eh. And fourth block, I have two quizzes. Perfect way to end the week.

I'm not sure if Photo is the right class to take, but I want some fun in high school. I'm not going to jump into Physics or Music Theory. It was either this or Social Anthropology and from the way it was advertised, I'm 110% positive I'm taking Photo. Plus, Photo is more fun. You make 8-12 nice pieces and fill up your workbook which as much as crap as you need. I can worry about taking Physics and Chemistry and Social Anthropology when I attend community college.

I slept in till 6:51 today but that's okay because I only take five minutes to get ready in the morning. Sucha hawt chick
In first block, we were assigned a paper. It's due on the sixteenth which is my aunt's birthday, and basically we have to put ourselves in the places of three famous psychologists and describe our personalities from their views. It's all bullshit, and I really don't feel like doing it.
I can't really remember what we did during second block.
I hate third block, still.
Lunch was how it always is.


I hate school, I hate school, I hate school.

There are only 4 St. Christopher's Parish churches in the United States.

Anyway, I stayed home. Again. I can't WAIT to see what Mrs. Kelley has to say about my absence. Hopefully she won't notice, like last time. Other than that, I really hate school and the thought about never going back crossed my mind.

Tim woke me up this morning because my alarm was going off and I wasn't silencing it. I couldn't go back to sleep after that because the wind was howling outside and I was really freaked out. Then I got out of bed and tried to find some new outfit to wear. But really I just wore a sweater long enough to cover up my lack of zipper on my favorite jeans. When I was outside the wind was going right through the sweater and I felt like I was being turned inside out. It felt pretty good. But then there were these things pelting my face, maybe not pelting, but like.. grazing. Yeah, grazing my face. Snow flurries or snow or what the fuck ever it was was grazing my face, and I had no idea what it was. I thought it was just dirt. I stood outside for five minutes with snow grazing my face, and that felt pretty good too. I won't admit to Luanne that I rather enjoy this weather, nope.

Carina wasn't at school today~
We're watching a movie in journalism with George Clooney and Robert Downey Jr. in it. I love journalism so much more now that I get to cream myself over beautiful men. Ew, Laurel. Gross.
During Howell Time the kids I sit across from started talking about TJ and Murphy, again. I feel like I'm always hearing about them. I'm also feeling like Murphy's avoiding me, which seems absurd because we never really see much of each other. The main thing is he hasn't been riding the bus, and it bums me out. What bums me out more is when he somewhat pauses by my seat, and then continues down the aisle. I also worked really hard on finding figurative language in Less Than Zero, for the oral novel test, and Ms. Salant didn't even ask about any of that cockamamie bullshit. Rachel came up and asked about my book though, I liked that. I like it when people talk to me, I like it a lot.
English was awesome. I fucking love Mrs. Blessman, she's the coolest. She's been saying "That's so vanilla, " for weeks, and I keep forgetting to post it. It reminds me of Jessie, and I always laugh. Jessie, when we make the shirts, Mrs. Blessman gets one for free. We were also discussing how crazy the school is. I forgot what we're supposed to protest on. She said "douchebag country", and gave Cassandra sass. After she turned off the ridiculously funny movie, Michelle and I went back over to her desk and we talked about how much Bible Thumpers suck and tried to formulate a plan for getting Carlos out of the house. Once I figure it out, I'm supposed to tell Momma B. She thinks placing food underneath Carlos' collar would make me feel better about deserting him in some barren field. Douchebag country.
In art I got really fed up with Cathy. Jarrett asked me about The Dead Poet's Society, and Derek stared at me as I gave him questions for it. Also, yesterday right before I ascended the steps to go up into the library, Derek placed his hand on my left shoulder as I was going through the doorway in order to get by without us smashing into each other. That made me feel really dizzy and overwhelmed. I love being touched, and I tell everyone I can't stand it because I'm afraid that people won't want to touch me. Jerel makes me feel dizzy too. He was the only person that acknowledged me in lunch, and I liked that a lot. Him telling me he loved me had nothing to do with the feeling of warmth I had as I climbed the stairs to the library.
We had a sub for chemistry and he was playing either his iPod or someone else's. Balancing out equations while listening to The Beatles is really nice, I have to say.
During the time between sixth hour ending, and seventh hour starting, I always go to the restroom. And I always see Blank, Jerel, and Dan. Dan was pointing at me, and looking at me funny, and then Jerel turned his head and told me that he wanted to have sex with me. Jerel makes me feel really, really dizzy. All I could think about during geometry was how Carina is constantly telling me that she's afraid to have sex, and that I feel like I was supposed to lose my virginity to Sampler. But that was in eighth grade.

I am so lonely.