laurelpants

I'm going to call it that for now on thanks to Tylor. I work all day which is such a bummer. I don't even know when I get off. Knowing them, they probably won't be there till 7 which really, really sucks since it'll probably be busy tonight and i'll only have two cooks with me that speak almost no english. I hope they get home earlier then they said they would. I think Autum might come over tonight but i'm not sure. She won't be able to sleep over if she has Laura with her. My aunt doesn't want me to have to many people over. I wonder if Autum agreed to letting Taylor come to laser tag. I'm going to call and ask. She ignored my call. What a cunt.
Shelby kept me up all night. She snores so loud, it's terrible. Dogs shouldn't make sounds like that. I've got work in 10 minutes. 4W3$OM3!

I had a pretty good day. I'd just really like to thank Lisa Ortigas for bringing my attention to Forinside. Thank you so very much, I love Forinside. Forinside loves me. I do not love that my iTouch is broken, I don't like it at all. It really makes me want to tell Carina that she has to pay for the repairs on it, but I've never done that to a person and I don't plan on doin' that now.
We went over to the SHASHEENS, because I don't know how to spell Luanne's last name, and played games. Dinner wasn't quite what I expected. I don't know why I thought I'd be eating some Godly meal.. I also wasn't too hungry so I felt like I wasted all of the food I ate and didn't really like. The turkey was so dry. The greenbeans were really good. Carina didn't come with us.
Jacob SHASHEEN made a comment about how Gus is such a pain in the ass, that made me feel smug. I won Spades. Holy shit guys, I won Spades. I exceeded 150 by at least 30 points. Oh my God, I beat Tim in Spades. I'm so happy. Going Nill was a great idea. I'm going to teach you all how to play cards, and then we'll sit around Jessie's house and play cards and have a really nice fucking time. That would be a good way to get me to like all of your new boyfriends. If you all pretended to like playing cards with me, and never whined about me asking to play cards with you, then I'd like everyone jut fine. We should just play cards until I die. Let's do that.
I'm going to be some kind of engineer so I can work in space stations. My brother doesn't think I'll want to be up in a space station for years at a time. He's got me all wrong. Certainly not now, would I want to do something like that, but I can see me spending years as an adult doing that. It'd be so fucking cool. None of us will be living near each other then anyway. I want to be a space engineer. I don't even know if there is such a thing. Space Engineer. It has to be called something else.
Start paying attention in math.

I'm breaking out all over my face so badly. I still haven't had my period. I found the tea kettle. I made a fire, real fast. And I wasn't cold in 34 degree weather today. I want to go to Goodwill tomorrow. I have to do my homework. I don't wanna.

Because that's a lie.

THANKSGIVING IS LAME.


I've never had such a boring day. I seriously didn't do anything all day. I ate, took naps and listened to screaming children. I really want to get tomorrow over with. It's going to suck. I need to charge my ipod. It's all fucked up though, thanks to tyler. I went over to his house two days ago. He got really pissed at me and threw my bracelet at me. He made me meanest face at me. I seriously thought he was going to hit me. I left right after that. He downloaded some stupid app on my ipod and now it's all fucked up. I'm going to have to call mac in order to fix it. I have no idea how to do it.
Will didn't get to come over because my mama's a gooch. I wish Autum could have hung out but she's with Josh.


My aunts dog makes the weirdest sounds.

In a weird sense, I do and I don't miss the old Thanksgiving traditions. Every since my dad left, I can't recall many Thanksgiving memories. I think last year I went over to my mom's friend's/brother's friend's house and ate with them, but the last time I can remember any time involving many people whom are supposedly connected by gratitude and blood sitting at a table is back when my best friend three houses down lived here and he moved to Tennessee around 2005 I think. Last night, at the beauty supply store where I was gettin' my science fair materials, the woman tried to talk to my mom about cooking and it was really awkward. But I'm glad we're not celebrating Thanksgiving. All I want is some cranberry sauce and Ryan said he's saving me some, mmmmhm.

used to be one of my favorite holidays and now I really don't like it. Honestly, getting invited over to everyones house kind of makes me feel like a charity case. I know I'm not and people are doing it to be friendly, but it's weird. And it's pathetic that the only family I have is my mom, really. My brother is in Japan, my dad is an alcoholic living who knows where, my aunt is visiting her weird fucking boyfriend, and my cousins, aunts and uncles all hate me. Or, at least that's what I assume because none of them keep in contact with me. That's just the Conway way.
My mom and I are having a five o'clock dinner sort of thing with chicken, corn bread, green beans and cheesecake. I'm happy that I'll be doing at least something with my mom, because I don't want to go over to anyone else's house and leave her all alone.
I really wish at this time that my grandma was still alive, and that we still lived in Thanksgiving. And that my mom and dad were still together, only for this day. Because we'd go to that beautiful, wonderful house that I loved so much and I'd play with the dog in the huge backyard, while everyone stayed inside helping cook the gigantic feast. Then I'd end up sitting at the adult table and getting drinks for everyone and Uncle Jim would say a prayer and everyone would follow and I'd just gaze at the paintings on the wall above the opposite side. Everyone would eat and I'd be the first to finish and all of my cousins being at least 17 years older than me, wanted to stay and chat with the adults. So I'd whine and whine until one of them would go to the basement with me and play ping pong or pool, just something we could do.

I hate myself for not sitting around that table, and listening to everyones stories. Especially my grandmothers.

breakfast is ready! I love my mom.

GOTTA BE READY TO GO BY 11. MHM! Y34H! WASHINGTON, OBOY!.

of True Life is so stupid. It's "True Life: I Don't Trust My Partner." If you ask me, trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship. You can't have anything without it. Everyone on it just flirts with other people. They'd be happier if they were single.
I slept over at Mike's last night, and played Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg except Autum didn't give me a memory card so I couldn't save it, and got fed up. We watched Foster's Home for a while and I was exhausted, so we slept.
I gave him a back scratch in the morning and accidentally made him bleed. Jessie drove over after her night with Cassie, babyspice and Oh John! which I found hilarious. Mike was changing and his door was locked and he took too long of a time to open it. It felt really awkward, I thought.
Now I'm at Jessie's house. We picked up Hurricanes for lunch and a crock pot that Valerie had apparently left over there.
Everyone's inviting me to their Thanksgiving dinner and it's weird.

I have to say, we had a great family game night. Despite Gus' volume, and Tim's annoyance with us all that he made quite clear, just having my mom around was nice. Plus, neither Luanne or Marni played.
Today in lunch, Carina told me that I looked a lot happier with my mom here. Whuddasuprize... She got her phone away, Murphy called her dumb. "Hey, Laurel, you have a DUMB friend!" I just looked at him, and held my tongue. Yesterday Rachel was on the bus. Murphy at first didn't see her, sat with me, and then saw her: the seat behind us, and asked me if it was all right if he sat with her. That made me feel really awkward.. I should have said no though, because that would have been funny. Shucks. I keep seeing Dan in the hallway. I left Deadline in English, and when I went back to get it at the end of the day, Mrs. Blessman had already left. I changed my formative, I'm going to paint Rudy McCoy: the town drunk, ex-priest, and child molester. I have such a great idea for it. I love my mommma, bringin' back my creativity and all that snazzy stuff.

The Grudge 2 is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying, am I.
In journalism, I have a cut out of "I Think Therefore I Am" and I'm using it in my project; Lisa. All of the projects were switched to being due on Monday. I love how I didn't even do them, and now have an extra week, basically, to do them. AHa!~

Now I'm going downstairs to watch The Grudge 3, get scared out of my mind, and sleep with my momma in the creepy basement.

I'm learning how to play Steal Me, by Jupiter Sunrise, on the g00t4R. Uh. Uh. Uh. Y34H.

AND ALSO, I saw a man at Shop n Save who looked just like Brian Chase. I followed him around, just in case he had a son. Just kidding ;)


BUGBUGBUG

I feel like punching something, but there's nothing within arm's length that, if I punched such object, it would result in a dramatic noise and a few Jackson's to repair. iTunes, please open rapidamente. Whatthefuck, whatever; first block, we sat around and discussed music and then we presented our sections of the play. Nikki said I had girl handwriting and Patrick immediately knew it was mine without seeing the name. He's got a real talent there. Second block, we sat around (again) and then we took a test and now I'm too lazy to go on about my day.

No, obviously not.
Today was pretty good. In first block we had the feast, containing orange juice, fruit punch, cranberry juice and milk as drinks. For food there were blueberry muffins, monkey bread, bagels, donuts, fruit, and something else I can't remember. I only ate a muffin and had fruit punch because I wasn't hungry. Awesome. I snuck a bagel out for Jessie though. We watched Cast Away and when we knocked out his tooth I squirmed.
I WAS SO PISSED AT MR.AYERS, OH MANNNN. The ONLY reason I went to school today was to take that fucking quiz and we ended up watching some dumb National Parks video. I hate you Mr. Ayers. I hate you.
I made pecan pie in third block.
During lunch I got my Toy Story ticket, yeeha!
In fourth block no one even watched Toy Story. We all got popcorn and Pepsi and ice cream and talked, it was great. Adam is so funny, I'm so happy he's one of my friends. Me, him and Jessie made up stories to how Adam should act whenever he see's Twilight. It'd be hilarious.
After school I went home with Autum, I got shotgun. We hung out for a while and then Josh came over and they began playing Borderlands. They're terrible at it, Adam's pro. Speaking of Adam, he and Taylor stopped by and I had a motherfucking cigarette. I really needed one because Mike was at Marla's all day and when he was SMASHED AND OBLITERATED he told me something I really didn't need to hear. So naturally my nerves were on end and I was stressed and Taylor had scene faggot cigarettes but hey, it was something. Mike picked his phone up when I was smoking and told me he just did "bullshit" at Marla's. I told him I didn't know if I'd be able to come over but hey, it figures out I could! But then he didn't pick up his phone, and he's not answering his IM's.
I just hope you're okay.

Does that mean you're bi?"

I got Courtland's letter. And a manilla envelope for Laura and the memoir.

Today went by fast, just like every other day. In first block, we took notes as always and I tried to concentrate, but it's just really pointless after half the class. In second block, Tess wasn't there and I felt bad for her math hate. I think if we didn't have the skinny, many problems would be solved. I now have a 99% in the class after doing the extra credit. I can't believe it either. In Chemistry, we did a stupid experiment that had nothing to do with balancing equations, which is what our test is on tomorrow. I really hope I do good. It's going to be easy, but I dun wanna jinx myself. First half of third block, I laughed pretty loud, or at least I think I did, and laughing is not allowed in third block. But it really was funny. Lunch was lunch; I enjoy my new locker so much. And the end of third block wasn't much different. Fourth block was fourth block, but I felt so damn eager to translate the Spanish paragraph. I almost wanted to do it in front of the whole class, and almost did, but Robert wanted to, so I was going to let him, but then senora called on Phoebe which was really lame seeing as she already knew two people willing to do it. But whatever, I'm going to enjoy talking about princes and princesses in Spanish now.

If you volunteer are Black Friday, you get double the hours, but I don't know if I can get a ride to the mall seeing as my mother works. I texted Brianna asking what her religion was and it wasn't until after that I felt malice. But hey, I was just curious. It's not like I'm going to make fun of her for it. After all, I'm Buddhist. I wore my Pardon My French t-shirt, which claimed a lot of attention from my p33rs. I love wearing clothing that represents French culture in Spanish class, makes me feel so cultured. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

really fast.
In first block our teacher gave us a lecture about the new chapter that I didn't really pay attention to. That reminds me, I really need to buy fucking donuts. If I don't, I'm not allowed to eat. We're having a feast tomorrow, it'll be marvelous.
In second block we took notes and watched Bill Nye the Science Guy. I stared at the back of Jessie's head for most of the block.
I started to feel really sick in third block, either because I hadn't eaten or the birth control. Something.
I fell asleep for two minutes or so at lunch.
In fourth block we went to the library and did research. I researched shiba inu's.
Marie was supposed to give me a ride to Emerald Lakes but Mike told me he wouldn't be home until five. Faggot. So instead, Marie and I went to Taco Bell where I bought a cheesy double beef burrito and she got nachos with that potato taco thing. Weird.
She dropped me off, now I'm listening to the secret band, waiting for mama to get home and waiting for Mike to call me.

That's the title of the movie my mom and I are watching. It's supposed to be a comedy. I don't think it's funny.
I wish jealousy wasn't a part of my character. I really wish it wasn't.
My mom is going insane. Seriously.
I'm gonna like her Christmas present though, oh man.
The people in this movie are schizophrenic and so is Jasper. I don't like this cat.
I thought today was Monday. I kind of wish it was.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2009/11/hopeline.html

-----Email Message-----
Subject: thank you

Frank,

This past Friday night I found myself in a black hole of depression and I didn't know how I was going to make it through the night. Not knowing where to turn and feeling like I couldn't stop. I remembered seeing the Hopeline phone number in the front of your book. I talked with someone there for 2 and a half hours and I truly feel that they saved my life.

Thank you for the book, thank Hopeline for being there, and thank the people that send in their postcards so that others know they are not alone with their secrets.


-Casie (with permission)

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2009/11/sunday-secrets_22.html

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.



-----Email Message-----

The real reason I do want to have kids is that if I do get divorced or my future husband dies, I won't be lonely and I can meet new people through them.










(Secret posted last week) The morning after you hit our 10-year old daughter, we all stood there and watched as a fan asked for your autograph.

















-----Email Message-----
I've been clean for years but can't listen to Lou Reed's Heroin because it makes me feel like I've relapsed.







See More Secrets. Follow PostSecret on Twitter.












-----Email Message-----

I actually enjoy sitting in the middle seat on an airplane because I'm so starved for any kind of touch/contact.












The new book is available from bookstores and online.

The new book is available from bookstores and online.

But throw up coming out of my nose does.
I really need to stick to a regular time for my birth control. I'm positive that's what's making me throw up so much. The cake that Ms. Darling made and I ate smells terrible once it's come out of your mouth, bathed in stomach acids and milk into the toilet.
I'll stop talking about it.
Yesterday was Friday! Jessie and Will had slept over at Mike's house but Rob's party wasn't goin' down, so they left around four. Alicia called us and invited us over to Jake's, and we left at eleven. It was a small get-together, and that was nice. Jake, Alicia, Mike, me, Weasel, Bo, Michelle and Josh. And Morris, but Morris is the dog and I love him. They made strawberry daquiri's and pina colada's. I only had a cup of strawberry daquiri's and it didn't do anything to me. We left around three, Bo drove us back to Mike's and I was exhausted, so I went to bed.
I hate being home on the weekends.

My life, oh man.

I saw a lot of Dan today. I feel really smug about him saying Hi to me every time we see each other, and him not doing that with Carina. He was at our lunch today, we acknowledged each other with smiles. He sat like right in front of Carina and myself. He also has a new guitar, that says Papa Roach on it; what a faggot. My mom is bringing up my guitar on Sunday. I was trying to tell Carina how great it smells, and that I'll be sleeping with the case open so my room can smell just like it too, but she wasn't paying attention. I should have sat with Dan and Derek. I like them much more. Next time Dan says something to me, I need to work up the courage to ask him if he wants to hang out. But I guess first I should start saying Hi too.
On the bus, Murphy went through my iTouch and I was thinking about whether or not I should ask him what he was going to be doing this weekend. I didn't. Guess what Murphy was doing tonight? Murphy picked up Kevin, but really Ryan Marshall was driving. Carina saw them, started hollering, and they backed up. They all thought she was high; no guys, she's just really fucking obnoxious. They drove off without us. Carina was telling me what Kevin told her on the bus. They're all getting high, and are going to eat a chicken while watching Pineapple Express. I feel like if Carina wasn't with me and I was walking, I would have been invited. That or I wouldn't have even seen them, and wouldn't be so down in the dumps. I then bought crab rangoon from First Wok. There's some high school kid that works there, I'm pretty sure. I wish he would have taken my order. I liked that he smiled at me, even if it is part of the job criteria. The old Asian lady didn't smile at me. Carina was supposed to walk with me home, but when I was at Shop n Save she went home, so I walked home by myself. Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!

Me and my mom fought on the phone. That's so ridiculously absurd. It was about hobbies too. She got mad because I told her if I wanted to be a photographer, I'd have to get a new camera. Which is pretty true, but not entirely. I just want a better one.

I think I deserve a boyfriend too.

Of course!

I'm breaking out all ova ;(

Luanne's 'tude is just really ticking me off. She's so rude.
Dinner tonight smelled really weird. That reminds me that I didn't finish the dishes. Swell!!

Laura has her phone back, she called me twice. I'm not going to call you back Laura, because you're with someone or multiple people.

I hate smoking when it's cold outside.